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OPENING
The scenes cut to the
backstage area where Tyler Malone is standing next to a vendor machine.
Looking at what he want's a familiar face approaches him, who's in full
wrestling gear. The two men stare dare down as F.U. officials come
between them. A Fight Union reporter comes onto the scene as the two men
start laughing. They shake hands.
OPENING
MATCH
The lights in the arena dim as the intro to "Gonorrhea" By Lil Wayne plays in the arena.
Aidan Morag walks from the backstage area as gold and red spotlights shine down on him. Aidan wears his traditional black tee shirt
and jeans. His head is lowered and his arms cross at his chest. As soon as the beat picks up Aidan's hands raise over his head as he
picks up his head and looks around the arena.
The crowd erupts as Aidan Morag slowly and arrogantly makes his way down the ramp. Aidan circles the ring as the music plays and the
crowd eats him up.
Finally Aidan enters the ring and readys himself for his match.
Scooter Liebowitz:
Nick and Brick go completely nuts at ringside giving Aidan a standing ovation and alternating bowing.
The lights in the arena begin to fade as strobes fire up and crimson red spot lights fire up. A
crimson red pot leaf appears
spinning in the middle of the ring. Flash bulbs fire as lighters fire up. "Dr. Evening" by Danko Jones begin to play. On the big
screen you can see images of soldiers marching mixed in with strippers stripping. Soon these images are replaced by
words. SHANE CLEMMENS Pyros fire as Shane appears from the entrance. That woman you call your girlfriend won't be your woman when the sun comes down...step off! Hey little man don't you understand when Dr. Evening comes around That woman you call your girlfriend won't be your woman when the sun comes down If she wants me she's got me Dr. Evening says whatever makes her happy that woman just ain't your woman no more... step off! Shane heads to the ring with a brilliant smirk on his face. As he goes he raises the back of his hand towards the fans as if to smack them. His adoring fans scream, the fair weather fans boo. Shane keeps going. I can feel your heartbeat pumping and your arms wrapped around me tight Now we can try several positions and all of them a compromise, because the only thing that I want to see is your boyfriend's look of surprise....step off! Shane rushes the ring, sliding in on his chest. Effortlessly he pops to his feet. He heads to to the corner and climbs to the second turn buckle, gazing out at the fans. He holds his fingers to his lips as if he's smoking a joint, then extends it to the audience. The fans pop, but then suddenly Shane gives a violent rendition of the "fist yourself" hand gesture. Get on the floor, get in the mood, the mood that hits the spot Now if you can't wait to gyrate You need it now or you'll suffocate Dr.Evening's got that elixir for your insatiable state Try it on Shane, loving the roar of the crowd returns to the middle of the ring were he struts, bouncing as he warms up, stretching his neck. He finally pulls his tank top off and tosses it ringside. You like it? I knew you'd like it baby. When the evening comes I come alive Shane returns to the corner, leaning against it as he awaits his opponent. The music dies as the lighting returns to normal. Scooter Liebowitz: Standing six feet two inches and weighing in at two hundred and twenty-two pounds, he hails from Missoula, Montana. He is "The Dirty Dog" Shane CLEMMENSSS! Nick and Brick give Shane the same ovation. The lights go out in the arena as "I'll be in the sky" starts up and a gold star that's spinning begins shining in different areas of the arena. Silver and gold pyros shoot off on the stage as Sean Starr emerges at the top of the entrance ramp. Sean poses for a moment before making his way down to the ring. Sean slaps a few hands along the way and then slides into the ring and begins to warm up for his match. Scooter Liebowitz: Standing six feet two inches tall and weighing in at two hundred and forty pounds, he hails from Jackson, MS. "Fight Union's True Star Power" Sean STARRRRRRR!Nick and Brick give Sean the same ovation and finish it off by yelling "WE LOVE YOU GUYSSSS!" and giggling and sitting down. Nick Lukas: Hell fuckin yeah! These cats are bad ass!Brick Ramrock: Where is a cat?! I'm allergic!Scooter makes his way out of the enclosed ring through the door in the fence. All three men look at each other as Shane looks around the arena and holds his hands up and begins clapping in cadence. The crowd gets the message and then eventually joins him making the arena sound like a tornado. Shane then begins nodding his head in agreement as the bell rings signaling the start of the match. Shane cracks his neck and then runs a superman punches Sean Starr who falls like a sack of potatoes. Shane then turns and runs at Aidan and attempts another Superpunch, Aidan ducks and Shane hits the fence with his hand. Shane then grabs a kendo stick from the fence and turns and whacks Aidan in the back. Aidan holds his back in pain as he falls to the ground on his knees. Shane delivers another whack that sounds off throughout the arena. Nick Lukas: Now that's what I call music volume 69!Aidan crumples to the mat in pain, Shane then turns his attention to Sean Starr who is getting to his feet. Sean drops to his knees and holds his hands up and pleads with Shane. Shane looks at the crowd and they give a loud pop, he looks at Sean and shrugs as he whacks him upside the head with the kendo stick. Sean falls to the canvas and screams in pain as Shane throws the stick down and begins to walk around the ring strutting his stuff a little. Aidan makes his way up and runs behind Shane slamming him into the cage, Aidan doesn't let up as he delivers knees to the lower back of Shane. Aidan grabs a cattle prod from off the fence and holds it to the back of Shane, he pulls the trigger as the voltage crackles. Shane's body convulses as he falls to the mat tremoring a little. Nick Lukas: I just fucking love that noise.Brick Ramrock: Tazers and cattle prods give me a hard on.Aidan holds the prod up into the air and makes the volts shoot from it as it causes a crackling noise. Aidan turns around but is met with a right jab from Sean Starr. Starr grabs the prod and holds it to Aidan's neck and forces him to pull the trigger, Aidan falls to the floor dropping the prod on the way down. Brick Ramrock: IN THE NECK! IN THE NECK!Sean takes time while the two men are down to go and pull a trash can, ladder, and steel chair from the fence. He goes and grabs Aidan who is still writhing from being electrocuted. Sean picks him up and positions him between his legs, he lifts him up and sends him crashing down with a powerbomb onto the trash can crushing it. Nick Lukas: Just taking the trash out huh?Brick Ramrock: My mom does that kind of shit for me.Nick Lukas: I wish I had a mom.Brick Ramrock: You do have a mom!Nick Lukas: I wish I had a mom that loved me.Shane has made it to his feet and he begins to converse with Sean Starr, they seem to come to some kind of agreement. Shane walks over to the fence and grabs a bag that was tied to it, he empties the bag out onto the mat and it's thumb tacks. Shane kicks them with his boot to spread them out over the mat. Nick Lukas: Now it's a fucking outlaw match bitch!Brick Ramrock: Try to hide your hard on Nick.Nick Lukas: I can't help it, I'm like a shark. Blood sends me into an erotic frenzy!Shane goes and picks Aidan up and holds him from behind as Sean works him like a punching bag, landing combos to the face and body. Shane releases him as Sean hits a superkick on him sending him crashing down onto some of the thumb tacks. Aidan arches his back in pain as blood begins to be seen coming from holes where the tacks did not stick. Sean goes and climbs a turnbuckle and poses for the crowd before he jumps of, just attempting a body splash. Shane catches him in the air however and then dumps him on the tacks right next to Aidan. Sean has the same reaction to them arching his back in pain, Shane takes turns going back and forth between the two stomping on them. Brick Ramrock: How many companies can say their owners are this bad ass?Nick begins counting on his fingers but then just gets confused and gives up. Nick Lukas: No fucking clue...Clemmens requests a mic. The ring staff waste no time providing him with one. Everyone goes quiet as he turns the downed members of the Triumvirate and holds the mic to his lips. Shane Clemmens: Now! Now you know. Now you both know what Fight Union is about. It isn't about your greed, or your vanity. This is about fighting and we're no better than the lowest string cat on our roster. Remember that. The both of you. Clemmens tosses the mic between Morag and Starr. They both writhe in pain. Shane steps out of the ring and heads up the rant. He stops and turns to Filthy and gives him a command. Filthy grabs the mic up and addresses the audience. Filthy Ramirez: This match has been declared a DRAW! Nick Lukas: Hear that Brick? The match is a DRAW! Brick Ramrock: Matches that end in a DRAW are so dumb. Oh my god. I'm a retard and even I know that. Cut to commercial.
SCENE
Brick Ramrock: I'm getting word that there's a ruckus brewing in catering.
Nick Lukas:
Brick Ramrock:
Nick Lukas:
Brick Ramrock:
Nick Lukas:
The camera cuts from Nick and Brick, then shows the backstage area, specifically the catering area. Food is flying across the room and chairs are being tossed. In the middle of the ruckus is Mack Davidson. He is hooting and hollering, waving his arms all over the place.
Mack Davidson:
From his right comes Nick Kincaid, who grabs Mack's wild right arm and holds it down.
Nick Kincaid:
Mack pulls his arm away from Nick.
Mack Davidson:
Nick Kincaid:
Mack Davidson:
Nick Kincaid:
Mack Davidson:
Nick looks down at the table. There is a bowl of M&M's of all colors, including red. He looks back up at Mack, then at the bowl, then back at Mack.
Nick Kincaid:
Mack Davidson:
Nick Kincaid:
Mack Davidson:
Nick shakes his head, sighing quietly. He picks out a handful of red M&M's from the bowl.
Nick Kincaid:
Mack Davidson:
Nick Kincaid:
Mack Davidson:
Nick Kincaid:
Mack Davidson:
Nick Kincaid:
Mack reluctantly holds out his hand and Nick places the red M&M's in the palm. He shoves the entire handful in his mouth and chomps away.
Mack Davidson:
Mack puts his right arm around Nick and pulls him into his armpit, creating a very awkward moment for Nick... especially when he realizes that Mack doesn't have deodorant on.
Nick Kincaid:
Mack Davidson:
Mack releases his grip on Nick.
Mack Davidson:
Nick Kincaid:
Nick gets in a good chuckle as he walks away. Mack nods his head with a smile. Before the camera goes back to the ringside area, it pans in over Mack's shoulder where Memento is seen.
Brick Ramrock:
Nick Lukas:
Brick Ramrock:
Nick Lukas:
Brick Ramrock:
Nick Lukas: Cut to commercial.
MATCH TWO
"Hold It Against Me" by Ben Salhany ft. Adonai starts to play and the rabid Fight Union audience rises at once for another
breathtaking appearance of Nick Kincaid, arguably the greatest wrestler in the history of the business. Once Kincaid is in the ring,
his good mood is changed to a serious focus on the battle ahead of him.
Scooter Leibowitz: Standing in the ring from Boston, Mass. He stands six feet tall and weighs in at two hundred and twenty-five pounds. He
is "The Near Future" Nick Kincaid!
Nick Lukas: That bastard stole my first name!
Nick Lukas gets up and throws his headset off and starts to try to climb in to the ring. Brick catches him before he makes it in
and pulls him out and puts him over his shoulder and puts him back in his seat.
Nick Lukas: What the fuck was I thinking?
Brick Ramrock: I don't know little buddy, you could have been killed!
Swagga (Original Mix) by DatsiK and Excision starts up and Mack Davidson walks to the ring.
Scooter Leibowitz:
Nick Lukas: Damn this entrance sucks.
Brick Ramrock: You wanna play some Jax man?
Brick throws the ball down on the announce table and then swipes his hand and grabs as many metal pieces as he can before catching
the ball.
Brick Ramrock: Woohoo! I got four of em Nick!
Nick gives Brick a high-five as Scooter climbs out of the ring and the bell sounds signaling the start of the match. Brick puts his
ball and Jax away as he turns his attention to the match. Nick Kincaid and Mack meet in the middle of the ring eyeing each other.
Mack Davidson towers over Kincaid with an eight inch height advantage, Nick looks up at him and then to the crowd. Nick then swings
a vicious hook that lands square on Mack's jaw.
Mack's head snaps to his right and he then just turns and looks back at Kincaid once again. Nick starts to back up and hold his
hands up acting as if he didn't mean to cheap shot him. Nick then takes off running at Mack and hits a dropkick, Mack doesn't fall
but he does stumble back a few steps. Nick gets up and bounces off the ropes and hits a clothesline, the same thing happens Mack
just staggers back.
Nick bounces off the ropes once again, but this time when he goes for the clothesline he leaves his feet and puts everything he has
into it. Mack falls to the mat as Nick gets up and taunts the crowd a little, Mack is now sitting up. Nick goes over to him and
lands a combo of kicks to the ribs and back. Mack eventually catches Nick's leg and pushes him back, almost all the way across the
ring.
Nick Lukas: DAMN! This guy is strong.
Brick Ramrock: I think they call it retard strength when someone is that strong. That's what everyone says after they arm
wrestle me or get me to help move heavy stuff.
Mack stands to his feet, Nick Kincaid runs at the big man but is caught by the throat. Mack runs with him and slams him against the
turnbuckle. He lands a few slaps to the chest of Kincaid, the crowd gives a few big pops. Mack sets Kincaid up on the top of the
turnbuckle, he locks onto Kincaid and lands a thundering suplex.
Brick Ramrock: Woah! I felt that in my loins.
Nick Lukas: What's that Brick?
Brick Ramrock: I don't know, I just heard Bufford T. Justice say it on Smokey and the Bandit.
Nick Lukas: I want that car!
Brick Ramrock: I have that car.
Mack goes and grabs Kincaid from the back and puts him in a rear choke. Kincaid begins to reach out for the ropes that are in front
of him but he is too far away. Filthy Ramirez is close by and is checking in on Kincaid to see if he is still responsive. Kincaid
struggles for a few more moments and he begins to black out. He has one last burst of energy as he kicks his leg out and is able to
reach the rope. Filthy forces Mack Davidson to break his hold...
Nick Lukas: Hey Brick, remember when we use to choke each other out for fun?
Brick Ramrock: Hell yeah! Remember that time in the car I choked you out from behind and then threw your head into the
steering wheel?
Nick Lukas: No I don't and that's mean man.
Brick grabs Nick and chokes him out and then slams his head down on the announcing table. Brick raises his arms in victory.
Brick Ramrock: BOOM BITCH!
Nick Kincaid gets up to his feet at about the same time as Mack Davidson. Mack fakes a left hook and then hits Kincaid with a combo of right handed jabs. Kincaid is leaning back against the ropes trying to dodge as many of the punches as he can. Mack then hits Kincaid with a good flush right handed jab and tries to follow it with a left hook, Kincaid leans back enough that the punch only grazes him.
Kincaid lands a kidney punch on Mack that sends him to his knees. Kincaid hits a roundhouse to the head of Mack Davidson that gets him to fall completely to the mat. Kincaid comes in and puts a camel clutch on Mack Davidson, Mack just gets to his knees and then stands up with Nick Kincaid on his back. Mack jumps into the air and falls on his back squashing Nick Kincaid in the process.
Nick Lukas: What the hell just happened?
Brick Ramrock: Oh thank god you're alive...I was just about to try to sneak out of the building.
Nick Lukas: I can't feel my face.
Mack then gets to his feet and grabs Nick by the hair and pulls him up. He holds Nick by the hair and punches him in the face a couple of times, causing Nick to being to bleed from the nose. Mack then head butts Nick causing him to fall to the Canvas and roll in pain clutching his head. Mack walks over to him and picks him up, Mack gets him to his feet but is elbowed in the gut knocking the breathe out of him.
This gives Kincaid time to bounce off the ropes and hit a superman punch. Mack just staggers back and then comes right back after Kincaid. Kincaid grabs Mack and lifts the big man off the ground and power slams him really quick because he struggles to hold him up. Kincaid staggers back holding his lower back in pain, he then rolls Mack over and locks him in The Gasp!
Filthy Ramirez slides in and begins to check on the big man, making sure he is still conscious. Mack struggles for awhile refusing to give up; he eventually succumbs and passes out. Filthy signals for the bell as the match is over.
Brick Ramrock: He should of tapped, that can cause brain damage.
Nick Lukas: Huh?
Brick Ramrock: Exactly.
Scooter Leibowitz: The winner by choke out, "The Near Future" Nick Kincaid!
Kincaid slides out of the ring as Filthy continues to check on Mack Davidson who is just now coming around. He eventually sits up with a look of disappointment on his face. Kincaid makes his way to the backstage area as Mack slowly makes his way out of the ring with Filthy contiuing to check on him as he walks away.
Cut to commercial.
"Holy Orders" by Guilty Gear XX Sound Alive starts off with a slow guitar riff. The FU tron reveals different letters falling in to place. Slowly, a word is starting to form as the drums come in, and as the last letter drops into place, it reveals.. BOW DOWN, BLOCKHEADS!
Johnny Legend appears through the curtain with his arms raised high. He flashes a smile to the crowd, and lowers his arms. Making his way down to the hexagon, Legend swats away any fan that dares to touch him.
Scooter Leibowitz: And his opponent…Arsan Ayers!!!
“Unborn” by Reveille plays over the PA System, the fans in the arena erupt as Arsan Ayers makes his way out onto the Stage. Arsan just looks around at the fans who are cheering him on; and just walks down the ramp way to ringside. There, he simply slides into the ring and walks to the turnbuckle where he climbs up, and just sits there.
Arsan Ayers and Johnny Legend stand opposite one another in the center of the ring. The two share fist bumps and take a step back. As the ref calls for the bell, Legend takes the first strike as he attempts a right hand jab that is blocked by Ayers, Ayers takes another step back as Legend attempts a leg kick, he misses widely. Ayers throws a quick right jab to the face that is blocked but quickly follows with a leg kick himself. This shot lands and staggers Legend.
Brick Ramrock: Slow start so far, but I know this one will get rough real quick.
Nick Lukas: Leg kicks may not look dangerous but those can break a leg easily.
Brick Ramrock: Yeah but I’m waiting for bloodshed, bloodshed.
Ayers shoots for a takedown but Legend quickly falls on top of him and has a tight grasp of his waist from behind. Legend stands to his feet and brings Ayers with him before tossing him up and over with a belly to back and releases. Legend pops to his feet and immediately attempts to lock in a rear naked choke that is blocked by Ayers. Arsan is struggling to get Johnny off his back.
Brick Ramrock: Typical position for Legend here folks.
Nick Lukas: Do you need to be like that? Do you?
Legend again hoists Ayers into the air this time he drops him on his side and keeps the grip around his waist until he switches to a leg waist lock, Legend drives his forearm into the side of Ayers head three times which dazes Arsan. Legend wraps his arm around the neck of Ayers and locks in the rear naked choke this time.
Nick Lukas: Arsan Ayers tapped out already!!
Brick Ramrock: Well wouldn’t you, I’d tap out before I die, Jesus Christ!
Scooter Leibowitz: Your winner by SUBMISSION, Legend!
Cut to commercial.
MATCH FOUR
The lights around the arena dim, save for the electric white pattern flashing around on the entrance display. The little bolt of lightning begins to glow brighter in size with the steady beat of an EKG machine. It thumps four times before a melodic voice comes across the PA system through out the arena.
You've Been Gone For So Long, I'm Runnin Out of Time, I Need A Doctor, Call Me A Doctor, I Need a Doctor, Doctor, To Bring Me Back To Life... Scooter Leibowitz: Coming out first, from Long Beach, California, weighing in at Two Hundred Five pounds, Travis GREEN!The heart rate drops to flat line as the lights on the stage die down. Suddenly the spot lights on either side of the stage flash to full brightness as they turn upwards from the ground, shining their radiance on the entire arena as they reach the roof, then begin to circle through the arena in an obvious circular pattern and as they do the figure appears from the curtain, back turned to the fans as he quickly back peddles to the edge of the stage where the ramp to the ring begins.
Say It On Tape, And Lay It, Record It So That One Day I Could Play It Back But I Don’t Even Know If I Believe It When I’m Saying That Y'all Starting To Creep In, Everyday Its So Gray And Black Hope, I Just Need A Ray Of That Cause No One See’s My Vision When I Play It For ‘em They Just Say Its Wack They Don’t Know What Dope Is And I Don’t Know If I Was Awake Or Asleep When I Wrote This, All I Know Is You Came To Me When I Was At My Lowest You Picked Me Up, Breathing Life In Me Travis turns around, looking at the crowd about three lines into the first chorus. He glances at the fans, his happy go lucky expressions of old replaced with a hardened look of determination laced with a drug incurred frenzy. He slowly paces down the ramp, stopping half way down to raise an arm in a fist as pyro explodes from the sides raining sparks down while Travis poses.
Before The Life Of Me, I Don't See Why You Don't see Like I Do But It Just Dawned On Me You Lost A Son See This Light In You, It’s Dark. Let Me Turn On The Lights And Brighten Me And Enlighten You I Don't Think You Realize What You Mean To Me Not The Slightest Clue Cause Me And You Were Like A Crew I Was Like Your Sidekick You Gon Either Wanna Fight Me When I Get Off This Fucking Mic Or You Gon Hug Me But I’m Not An Option, There's Nothing Else I Can Do Cause… Travis lowers his arm and briskly walks to the ring, taking his time to walk up the steps rather than slide in as he used to. He steps in between the ropes, taking his time to reach the corner across from him. He glances over his shoulder towards the entrance before climbing to the second rope, holding his fist in the air again as he did on the ramp.
You’ve Been Gone For So Long I’m Running Out Of Time I Need A Doctor Call Me A Doctor I Need A Doctor, Doctor To Bring Me Back To Life Travis steps down from the turnbuckle, turning and using the ropes to stretch as his music dies down and the lights return to normal.
The crowd screams even louder than before. Suddenly, the lights dim a little. SHOUT "Sour Cherry" by The Kills amps up as the lights in the arena go out. Scooter Leibowitz: And his opponent, from Missoula, Montana, weighing in at One Hundred Thirty pounds, Shyla CLEMMENS!
Cuz you crossed my Mind
The lights in the arena come back up in hot crimson red as images of Shyla
Clemmens appear on the big screen-strobes fire up. Spotlights hit the entrance as "Caustic Siren" Shyla Clemmens appears. She's
looking serious. She stops
dead in her tracks and gazes from one side of the arena to the other and when
her eyes lock back on the ring pyros fire. As they die down Shyla walks the
entrance ramp.
Make my Blood pump Seven-Eight-Nine Go-go-go-go-go-home.
The lights come up as Pyros fire straight up behind her as the music dies down. Shyla stares at Travis Green with a smirk on her face.
Nick Lukas: Now why don’t we just simmer down, shut off that extremely loud music and finally have ourselves a nice quiet contest.
Serenity: I think you’re going to have a difficult time convincing the fans of that.
Brick Ramrock: I wonder if I could convince them to go get me a soda and some chili fries.
The fans roar as they await the beginning of the match. Green and Clemmens are in separate corners of the ring glaring at each other. Filthy checks both competitors for foreign objects. Finally Filthy moves to the center of the ring and calls for them to step up. Scooter stands behind Filthy and holds the mic to his lips.
Filthy Ramirez:
Filthy nods at either opponent and they nod back. Scooter steps out of the ring as Filthy signals for the fight to begin! The bell rings and immediately Green and Clemmens circle. The fans are electric!
Nick Lukas: Looks like they’re starting out with a staring contest. I think that’s amazing strategy. It’s hard to see with dry eyeballs.
Brick Ramrock: I like having staring contests with paintings. It’s good training.
Serenity: Clemmens steps in with a left and right to Green! Green comes back with a right of his own!
Green rocks Clemmens with an upper cut and she doubles over. Green immediately follows up with a gut wrench suplex which rocks the ring violently. Green springs back to his feet and drives a vicious elbow into the downed Clemmens. Green comes back up looking for a follow up fist drop but on the way down Clemmens whips her muscular legs around and catches Green’s arm and whips him to the ground with an arm bar attempt! Green’s in trouble momentarily before he pushes himself up to his feet and dead lifts her off the ground and slams her hard into the mat, breaking her grip.
Serenity: That was a close one, I saw his elbow starting to hyper extend!
Brick Ramrock: Oh I missed it, I was looking for my D Twenties.
Nick Lukas: Oh, those weren’t hard candies?
Brick Ramrock: You ate my dice?
Nick Lukas: They tasted like watermelon.
Green and Clemmens snap to their feet quickly and go face to face. Filthy checks in with Green but Green shrugs him off. Green and Clemmens meet in the center of the ring and Green slaps her into a headlock. Clemmens pushes him off violently and he uses the momentum to jet across the ring. He bounds off the ropes and scores a reverse elbow to Clemmens which sends her flying into the corner. Green comes back up and follows his assault up with a wicked shoulder tackle to Clemmens in the corner. Clemmens falls down to a seated position and Green charges backwards and comes back with a low drop kick!
Serenity: Shyla Clemmens is in deep trouble now!
Brick Ramrock: I felt that drop kick in my soul.
Nick Lukas: I think he might have just broken the Barbie doll.
Serenity: I think she’s got a little fight left in her!
Green tries to tie up Clemmens into a boston crab but she fights him and gets a hand onto the ropes. Clemmens gets another hand onto the ropes and pulls herself and straightens out her legs in one fluid motion, causing Green to lose his footing. He has no choice but to give up the hold. He turns around and takes her by one foot for what looks to be an ankle lock attempt but Clemmens drives a stiff heel straight up into his chin. Green is rocked. Clemmens kicks back up to her feet and steps up to a rocked Green and lands a snapping enziguri! Green takes a few step forward before doing a header into the middle of the ring!
Nick Lukas: I don’t know which is most impressive, the snap of that kick, or how far that spit flew out of Green’s mouth on impact.
Brick Ramrock: I’d say the spit.
Serenity: Agreed. Clemmens now falls onto green and lays in a seated bulldog headlock!
Clemmens locks in a stiff headlock and pushes herself up to put more torque on the hold. Filthy steps in to check on the hold as Green struggles to free himself. Clemmens pushes further up to maintain the hold. Green gets his knees under him and rolls but Clemmens spins and falls into a full mount position. Clemmens drives lefts and rights into Green’s face which he’s able to defend. Green uses his weight advantage to power Clemmens off of him and starts to get up. Clemmens rolls to her feet and propels herself to the ropes and bounds off of them with a wicked drop kick right to a defenseless Green!
Serenity: Green is in big trouble now—this is the second time he’s been staggered!
Brick Ramrock: I still can’t believe you ate my dice.
Nick Lukas: When were you going to play D and D anyway?
Brick Ramrock: During the commercials, duh!
Serenity: Boys! Clemmens has Green on the ropes and it’s not looking good for him!
Green can’t defend himself against Clemmens’ barrage of punches. Filthy checks in and looks like he instinctively wants to break them up and call the fight. Green’s eyebrow is cut and his nose is bloodied and Clemmens will not let up. She gathers his head up in a Muay Thai clinch and drives a wicked knee into his mush. Green’s head rocks back but unexpectedly he rushes forward with a clothesline which knocks Clemmens clean off of her feet.
Serenity: Now momentum has shifted and it’s Green laying in the boots to Clemmens!
Brick Ramrock: This looks like an episode of Jerry Springer!
Nick Lukas: I always enjoy a good stomping.
Green pulls Clemmens up by her hair and wrenches her across the ring by it. She slams face and stomach first into the mat and rolls over onto her side in a lot of pain. Green follows the assault up with a quick low drop kick to the small of Clemmens’ back and falls upon her and locks in a disturbingly tight Camel Clutch. Clemmens’ face turns red almost immediately and her hand hovers dangerously close to the mat. Filthy checks in and looks like he might just call this one.
Serenity: Clemmens might have to tap.
Green grimaces as he wrenches her back but suddenly Clemmens raises her hand and jabs a thumb into Green’s eye which causes him to drop the hold. He staggers backwards favoring his eye and cussing about it to Filthy while Clemmens catches her breath.
Nick Lukas: If I could have only one move, always, it would be the thumb to the eye.
Brick Ramrock: I’d pick a suplex.
Green crawls to the top rope in the far corner still favoring his eye. He stands up fully on the top turn buckle and as soon as Clemmens rolls over onto her back he launches himself off the top rope with a shooting star press which flattens Clemmens.
Nick Lukas: You can’t even suplex a ten year old.
Brick Ramrock: Yes I could!
Green comes up and takes Clemmens by the feet and drags her into the center of the ring and turns his attention back to the top rope. He looks out at the fans who cheer on the high risk attempt. Green runs over to the corner and pulls himself up onto the top rope in a seated position. He takes a breath before hoisting himself up to a standing position. The fans cheers get feverish as he throws up his hands and whips up through the air looking for a senton bomb which connects!
Serenity: What a match thus far. I know my two colleagues here couldn’t, but I can. That’s my gift to you. Green is firmly in control now and it looks like this just might be the end for Shyla Clemmens.
Brick Ramrock: She’s just playing coy.
Nick Lukas: If you mean coy as in dead fish, then, yes!
Green pulls up Clemmens and spins her around and locks in a rear naked choke. He falls backwards and sinks his legs in and wrenches back on the hold. Clemmens is in big trouble here as Filthy checks to see if she’s still coherent. Clemmens fights his grip and manages to get herself a little bit of breathing room and lays in some left and right elbows into Green’s ribs which forces him to let her head loose. He maintains his leg scissors and defends himself from her elbows. Clemmens gets her feet under her and swivels her his and transitions into mount, then whips around and takes his leg and ties him into a kneebar!
Serenity: Back and forth! Now we have Clemmens in a very dominant position!
Brick Ramrock: That’s what it looks like when you bend a GI Joe’s leg backwards.
Nick Lukas: All I had was a Ken doll when I was a kid, but I drew camo on his face with a sharpie. He primarily stalked Barbie.
Serenity: She’s going to dislocate his knee!
Brick Ramrock: I can’t watch!
Green finally gets a hand onto the rope and Filthy unties Clemmens. Filthy forces Clemmens into the far corner and allows Green a moment to pull himself back to his feet. Green can’t put much weight on the knee and staggers a little bit while Filthy asks if he wants to continue! Green nods and motions for Clemmens to bring it on.
Serenity: Filthy restarts the match and let me tell you—Green is in no state to win a stand up fight here.
Green throws a few punches which Clemmens is able to duck. Clemmens sidesteps Green and kicks the bad leg out from under him. Green falls, favoring his knee and Clemmens follows up with a knee drop right to his face!
Nick Lukas: That’ll bruise the bongrip hole.
Clemmens goes to Green’s legs and pulls them up and folds him up into a Sharpshooter. She tries to roll him but he fights it. Clemmens stops and punches Green’s injured knee a couple time which robs him of the will to fight. Finally Clemmens rolls him over and locks the Sharpshooter in tight!
Serenity: Sharpshooter! This could be it!
Nick Lukas: She’d look good in pink.
Filthy checks on Green and Green struggles before finally passing out. Filthy calls for the bell and forces Clemmens to break the hold!
Serenity: The pain proved too much for Green and he passed out!
Brick Ramrock: Tell me when it’s over.
Nick Lukas: It’s over Brick, you can uncover your eyes.
Clemmens stands up victorious as medics enter the Hexagon to tend to the downed Green.
Scooter Leibowitz: Winner by Referee Stoppage! Shyla CLEMMENS!
Serenity: What a contest! Shyla Clemmens will continue on towards the Resistance Title and Green really has nothing to be ashamed of as he put in a stellar performance.
Brick Ramrock: That’s my best friend’s girlfriend you know.
Nick Lukas: Yes, I know. I’m his cousin.
Brick Ramrock: You ARE?! Wow!
Cut to commercial.
MATCH FIVE
Nick Lukas: This is the one I’ve been looking forward to. Miranda Reizeger is one of my dream girls.
Serenity: Oh does being emasculated and ridicule do it for you?
Nick Lukas: You’re goddamn right it does.
Brick Ramrock: What’s emascull-dabed?
“Poker Face” hits as Miranda Reizeger strides out of the ring entrance and down the walk way. In her hand is a steel chair. There’s a dent resembling Kaleb Connors’ face in the seat of the chair. She ignores the shit out of the fans and it leads to increased boos of displeasure. Miranda keeps going and breaks to a sprint at the bottom of the ramp and slides into the ring.
Scooter Leibowitz: Entering first, from England, She is the Blue Vixen… Miranda Reizeger!
Miranda drops the chair in the corner and pulls a flask out of her pocket. She knocks back a shot which she swishes before spitting out of the ring towards the announce table.
Brick Ramrock: Miranda and I are buddies. We rode around and then ate some ice cream.
Serenity: I hate to break it to you Brick but nobody is buddies with Miranda Reizeger.
Nick Lukas: Cept for maybe that alcohol.
The lights go low and from the entrance appear three men in white jackets with a man tied up in a straight jacket with an anti bite mask on. He’s strapped to a hand truck. They wheel him down to the ring and the fans get extremely silent out of fascination or fear. Once they’re at ring side they level out the hand truck and begin unfastening the man from the hand truck.
Scooter Leibowitz: And her opponent, From God Knows Where, He is this disturbed mother fucker right here—Kaleb Connors!
Once the medical techs have Connors unleashed they remove his mask and they’re quick to get away from him. Connors instinctively enters the ring and stretches his muscles which are no doubt sore from being confined. Miranda looks on him with her token “I don’t give a care” look on her face as Filthy checks her.
Scooter holds the mic to Filthy’s lips.
Filthy Ramirez: Alright guys, this round one of the Resistance Tournament. Let’s have a clean fight. Remember this is a submission bout!
Scooter leaves the ring as Filthy has lasts words with the fighters and recommends they shake. Miranda shakes her head “no” slowly and Connors just gazes at her. Filthy calls for the fight to begin and Connors leaps forward and snags Miranda with a double leg take down. Connors postures up immediately and slams lefts and rights into Miranda’s skull. She’s overwhelmed and her lip is busted open. Blood spatters off Connors’ fists as they rain down and up. Filthy’s already thinking about calling the mat when Miranda finally gets her hands up and rakes Connors’ eyes. He falls backwards and she’s right on top of him. She takes him by the throat and drives down right handed hammer fists. Connors takes her by the throat and starts choking her out but she’s unrelenting with the downward hammer fists.
Serenity: That last one broke his nose!
Nick Lukas: Auto erotic asphyxia is hot.
Brick Ramrock: I like cars too!
Miranda’s face is dangerously red now, turning purple. Her lips start to turn blue so she stops her assault and drives a knee up stiffly into Kaleb’s groin! He loses his grip and Miranda falls off of him coughing. Miranda coughs up blood and wipes her lips—glaring back at the writhing Kaleb beside her.
Nick Lukas: Internal bleeding is good for drama.
Brick Ramrock: We already had the talk about blood, ok?
Serenity: I suggest you keep your nose in that comic book then Brick, because Miranda is bloody.
Miranda smears blood across her face as she paws her lip wound and stands up slowly. Kaleb snaps back up and looks on her with violence in his eyes. He snaps forward suddenly and nails Miranda with a superman punch which knocks her right off her feet. She does a one eighty in mid air and crashes head and neck first into the canvas. Kaleb jets to the far ropes and comes back with a diving forearm to the back of Miranda’s head.
Nick Lukas: Do you need your bucket yet Brick?
Brick Ramrock: I’m ok for now.
Serenity: Kaleb could finish her here but it doesn’t seem like he’s interested in that. He wants to do damage.
Connors climbs to the top rope and stands upright on the top turnbuckle. He’s hungry for blood as he takes flight off the top rope and comes down with a wicked elbow drop to Miranda’s sternum. Connors comes up with a twisted smile on his face. He walks to the nearest corner and stomps back out looking for a knee drop but Miranda gets out of the way.
Serenity: Connors finds nothing but mat there. Miranda takes a beating and now she’s back onto her feet.
Miranda staggers backwards and cowers a little. She purses her face up at a confused Kaleb and backs off. Kaleb approaches her slowly and suddenly she juts forward and drives a heel kick into his midsection. She slams a knee into his forehead and throws him into a rear naked choke and then locks in her legs. Connors staggers in the ring, holding her weight before she finally pulls him down. She locks in the hold deep and he fights it desperately.
Nick Lukas: This could be it right here guys—he’s gonna give it a little tappy.
Brick Ramrock: I’d pee my pants if I were him.
Serenity: We know you would, Brick.
Kaleb, out of desperation, uses the back of his skull as a weapon—slinging his head backwards quickly busting Miranda’s lip open even further. Miranda fights to keep the hold in place but Kaleb muscles her off and spins to full mount. He takes her by the throat and reaches back with a big right hand and blinks at her. Miranda reaches up and slaps him in the face weakly before Kaleb pounds her hard right in the cheek. Kaleb reaches back again and she reaches up again and slaps him again.
Serenity: Well it’s some kind of offense, I suppose.
Kaleb releases her and stands up. He turns his attention to the crowd. He seems to be in a trance. He leans against the ropes and zones out.
Brick Ramrock: Staring contest!
Nick Lukas: It looks like nobody’s home.
Serenity: Miranda’s resting on the mat and Kaleb Connors, well, I think he’s…singing?
Miranda stands up to her feet and looks like something out of a horror movie. She wipes blood from her face and wrings the remaining blood out of her hair. Connors is still distracted by something up high towards the nosebleeds.
Brick Ramrock: Oh I can’t hold on much longer.
Miranda staggers up behind Connors and spins him around and punches him right in the throat. She spins and scores a snap kick to his temple. Connors reels across the ring and Miranda bounds off the ropes and comes back to damn near take Connors’ head off.
Brick Ramrock: I win! That was a close one.
Nick Lukas: And what have you won, Brick?!
Connors staggers and Miranda turns to the chair she left in the corner. She picks it up and approaches Connors. Connors turns around just in time to take the top of the chair right to the forehead. Connors is busted open by this and falls like a damn tree.
Serenity: This is no disqualification, so that’s legal. Infact, when I think about it, that is always legal here.
Nick Lukas: You know, it is. That’s funny.
Brick Ramrock: What are we talking about? I want to laugh too!
Miranda falls on Connors and locks him into a Triangle Choke! Miranda fights to lock the hold all the way in while Connors fights to get his feet under him. He struggles and finally pushes himself up—picking up Miranda powerbomb style and he slams her right back down. Miranda doesn’t release the hold but still can’t lock it in!
Serenity: Kaleb’s in trouble here!
Nick Lukas: I was about to say the same thing about Miranda.
Brick Ramrock: That’s the funny? That’s not funny. You guys are weird.
Kaleb pulls Miranda up one more time and slams her down with another powerbomb. This time Kaleb loses footing and falls further into the hold. Miranda locks her foot in and after a short struggle, Kaleb falls limp.
Filthy Ramirez steps in and breaks them up as the fans go insane!
Brick Ramrock: That’s it?!
Nick Lukas: Kaleb passes out!
Serenity: I suppose a guy like that wouldn’t tap.
Scooter Leibowitz: Your winner, by Referee Stoppage, Miranda Reizeger!!!
Miranda and Kaleb both lay on the mat as the doctors rush the ring to help them both out. Finally Miranda rolls over onto her side to hold her arm up before she passes out as well.
Cut to commercial.
SCENE
The broadcast is cut off as static appears on-screen. Suddenly the sound of horrible cheesy news music is heard as flashy graphics and a globe spinning out of control appear. The music comes to an end, the letters “LWNN – your first source for the news” appears. The graphics fade out to a news set. There is a large desk infront of a background of TV monitors showing various things from around the world. In the middle of the desk, an office chair spins around and we see Johnny Lukas in it. He faces the camera and grabs some paper that’s in front of him. He gives it a tap on the desk before looking into the camera.
Johnny Lukas: Johnny then spins forty-five degrees to his left as the camera angle changes.
Johnny Lukas: Johnny then spins around again, this time spinning 90 degrees just looking at a different camera angle. With his right hand he then raises the Roughneck Championship.
Johnny Lukas: Johnny then spins 45 degrees to the right, once again appearing straight with the camera.
Johnny Lukas: Johnny then spins 45 degrees again to the left changing the camera angle yet again.
Johnny Lukas: Johnny then spins another 45 degrees.
Johnny Lukas: Johnny Lukas: Johnny spins another 45 degrees to the right for no reason as he leans back and slides the Roughneck Championship back into view.
Johnny Lukas: The lights on the set begin to fade out as the cheesy news music comes back on. Once the set goes pitch black static the broadcast slowly comes back into the view. Cut to commercial.
MATCH SIX
"Innocent" by Fuel begins and the arena lights dim considerably. The lyrics start soft and gradually get louder as the FU Tron shows Memento hitting maneuvers on opponents recklessly to the song's baseline. As "your Savior" flashes over the FU Tron, Memento walks out from the back. Smoke is spewed at his feet in the entrance way to the point where you cannot even see from his knee's down.
Scooter Leibowitz: From Parts Unknown, weighing in at 222 pounds...he is Formerly your Savior...he is Memento "the BRAVE"!
He walks down to the ring confidently with shoulder pads and cape in tow, matching whatever attire he's wearing. He climbs into the ring and looks around the arena until his opponent comes out.
Tyler Malone's custom version of 'Bullet With A Name' theme begins exactly 41 seconds into the song, ignoring the first verse & beginning straight with the song's chorus. The arena's main lighting dies, giving way to a single spotlight which follows Malone as he makes a very slow paced and somber saunter on down the isle, he remains largely void of emotion and his face makes not even the slightest of movements save for the subtle, yet smug smacking of the gum he likes to chew.
Just before reaching the ring, he usually stops, exhaling deeply as he peers coldly out into the arena. Tyler hops and puts a knee up on the apron, pulling himself up via the ropes and with the same slow and methodic pace he approaches the turnbuckle to his right, He climbs, placing his left leg on the second rope and his right on the top turnbuckle. Tyler simply does as he did before, gazing out to his left into the teeming masses. After a few seconds, he leans forward, stepping off of the turnbuckle & into the ring.
Scooter Leibowitz: From Springfield Massachusetts, weighing in at 190 pounds....he is the self proclaimed, Greatest of ALL TIME....Tyler MALONE!
Brick Ramrock: Hell fuckin' yeah! Another Outlaw rules match bitch!
Nick Lukas: Awww yeah! *Punches the air*
Brick Ramrock: Can we get a wave started in this hizouse Nick?!
Nick and Brick both do the wave and look around as no one else follows along. Scooter has made his way out of the fence that is surrounding the ring, the bell rings. The two men begin circling the ring looking for their opening, they inch forward ever so slowly. Tyler makes the first move as he rushes in and dives for Memento's left leg. Memento side steps Tyler and kicks him in the rib cage while he is down on the mat. Tyler quickly gets to his feet.
He rushes at Memento once again, this time he form tackles him into the fence. Both men bounce off of the fence, Tyler quickly gets his bearings and mounts Memento. He lands a few punches to the face of Memento and then begins to try to go for an arm bar submission. Once he gets to the side Memento begins delivering punches to Tyler's gut with his free hand. Tyler releases and rolls back holding his stomach as he gets to his feet, Memento gathers himself up at the same time.
Nick Lukas: Memento aint going out like no punk bitch!
Brick Ramrock: These Butterfinger B.B.'s are like crack man.
Nick Lukas: Don't mention crack around me, you know that!
Brick Ramrock: Aww little Nicky got a problem?
Nick Lukas: I hope your mother dies of AIDS and HIV!
Memento runs and delivers a solid dropkick to the chest of Tyler sending him back against the fence. Memento gets up and runs at Tyler, building up his speed quickly he thrust a knee into the stomach of Tyler. Tyler groans in pain, his face turns white as he receives another knee to the stomach. Memento delivers a few knees to the legs of Tyler softening them up.
Nick Lukas: His legs are turning to pudding! Bill Cosby is going to make a commercial about them!
Brick Ramrock: I love Bill Cosby...I love pudding.
Tyler delivers a elbow to Memento causing him to stagger back a bit. Tyler follows up with a left jab, left jab, right hook combo that wobbles Memento! Tyler tries to land a barrage of punches but Memento is in full defense mode covering his head. Memento side steps one of Tyler's punches and sweeps his legs out from under him. Tyler goes to get up but is hit with a dropkick to the face, Memento delivers a few kicks to the side of Tyler and then raises his right hand to the crowd.
The crowd gives him a mixed reaction as Tyler gets to his feet Memento has his back to him. Memento turns around but it is too late as Tyler delivers a clothesline causing Memento to do a flip.
Brick Ramrock: BOOM SHAKA LAKA!
Nick Lukas: WHOMP THERE IT IS!
Brick Ramrock: We better get an Espy and an Emmy this year fool!
Nick Lukas: Fo sho buttercup.
Tyler runs and jumps to the top of the nearest turnbuckle and jumps off forward while doing a back flip. He lands onto Memento and hooks his leg going for the pin. Filthy Ramirez comes sliding in almost hitting them in the process and starts his count.
1...2.KICK OUT.
Tyler gets up and gets in Ramirez's face and begins to argue with him, Ramirez slaps Tyler in the face. Tyler looks at Filthy and begins to go after him but he is hit in the back with a elbow. He stumbles forward, Memento runs up from behind him and delivers a great bulldog. Memento then begins punching the side of Tyler's face while he is down on the mat. Tyler rolls away from Memento to avoid any further damage. He gets to his feet and charges at Memento, he goes for a straight forward kick. Memento catches his leg however and Memento the drops Tyler's leg and delivers a jumping roundhouse kick to Tyler.
Nick Lukas: I didn't know Chuck Norris was in the building also tonight!
Brick Ramrock: Chuck Norris invented Butterfinger B.B.'s.
Nick Lukas: Chuck Norris invented sex!
Memento then goes and climbs the closest turnbuckle and jumps off and goes for a leg drop. He drops and lands straight on the mat as Tyler moves out of the way just in time. Memento holds his back as he rolls around in pain, Tyler is in no better shape as he is trying to catch his breath laying face down. Both men take some time but eventually make it to their feet, they do a little jawing back and forth as the crowd begins to rile up and get really loud.
Brick Ramrock: EAR MUFFS!
Brick and Nick both cover their ears. Memento and Tyler are now in the middle of the ring as Tyler shoves Memento, Memento then pops right back with a left jab. Tyler then delivers a left jab of his on, the two men continue exchanging punches for a few moments until Memento delivers a vicious right hook that burst Tyler's lip and mouth open. The blood begins to trickle out of the mouth and lip and down the face of Tyler Malone.
Memento follows the right hook up with a left uppercut, sending Tyler to the mat. The blood really gets to flowing after the uppercut hits Malone in the mouth.
Brick Ramrock: I'm out of candy!
Nick Lukas: I told you to get enough for the show!
Brick Ramrock: It's been awhile since we've done this. Call Sean Starr and see if he can get some delivered down here to us. Shane and Aidan told me to go to Sean with all of our complaints bro.
Malone holds his mouth as the bloods continues to pour out, Memento holds his arms out and does a little spin for the crowd. They give a pop for a good performance in the match. Memento picks up Tyler and kicks him in the gut, he then delivers The Cross Spike!
Nick Lukas: Cross Spike!
Brick Ramrock: I want my candy!
Memento goes for the pin as filthy Ramirez comes sliding in.
1...2...3!
Ramirez signals for the bell.
Nick Lukas: Memento wins match one of five. I hope this guy has Viagra, my dad says you need it to go at least three rounds.
Brick Ramrock: Five matches? I think one of them dies first.
Memento climbs to the top of the turnbuckle and receives some applause and boos from the crowd. He then climbs out and makes his way up the ramp and into the back. Tyler finally begins to move as Ramirez is checking him out, Ramirez helps him to his feet and out of the ring and he then walks to the back.
Nick Lukas: Brick Ramrock: Cue for what? Nick Lukas: Top secret. Hold down the fort for me. Bee Are Bee! Brick Ramrock: Bumblebees? What? Nick leaves the announce position. Brick's left behind like a lost little kid. Serenity returns to keep him company.
Cut to commercial.
SCENE
The FU Tron flickers to life and we find ourselves in a hallway, staring at the door to the garage. The crowd buzzes as the door is flung open and a - to be politically correct - "little person" steps through caryi-- err, dragging a large duffel bag. He leaves it on the floor in front of the door and places his hands on his knees, inhaling and exhaling deeply. He wipes a bit of sweat from his forehead before opening the door and holding it. The crowd cheers as Nick Lukas steps in from the garage. He pats the little man on the head and hands him a fresh, crisp one dollar bill.
Nick Lukas: Thank you, Geoffrey. That'll be all.
The little one sighs and exits back into the garage. Nick looks around mysteriously for a moment before quickly darting back and forth only a few feet in either direction. He looks from side to side one final time, then picks the bag up and slings it over his shoulder. He clears his throat and presses a finger to his ear.
Nick Lukas: Night Crab, this is Desert Santa. Coast is clear. Move, move, move.
Nick puts on his David Caruso shades and folds his arms over his chest. The door to the garage opens once more and the crowd erupts in cheers as the only real legend of Fight Union emerges. It is THE Brett Lukas. Gladiator - Not FU - Champion. First and only. One of a kind. Brett carries the title, that has been on his shelf for over a year, proudly on his shoulder. He should be proud and want to show it off, he spent six hours last night shining it up and cleaning it for his big return. Brett takes a look around the back and nods approvingly.
Brett Lukas: Looks like there won't be any financial issues this time around.
Brett snaps his fingers in Nick's face.
Brett Lukas: Come.
Brett leads his brother/lackey down the hall until they spot one of the few locker rooms without masking tape for the name. "Champion". Not exactly Brett specific but it'll have to do. The duo enter the room to find a bar, a couch, a television, and a replay of Johnny Lukas playing on that television. Brett only manages to catch the end but it's all he needs to see.
Nick Lukas: That's preposterous!
Brett raises an eyebrow at Nick who responds with a cheesy grin.
Nick Lukas: Word of the day.
Brett motions for Nick to drop his bag and, good little bitch that Nick is, he does as he's told. Brett flops down on the couch, removing his title and placing it lightly on the seat next to him. He looks over at the camera and motions for the cameraman to come closer. Brett shakes his head.
Brett Lukas: I know this is being shown live... So... I had come here tonight with the plan of simply reintroducing myself to the fans and reminding the roster that I'm the Champion... But before I can even get a foot in the door I'm already being called out - by my cousin, no less. First off, let me respond by saying "fuck you". Number one contender? You beat me? Johnny, you and I both know that I was going through some stuff then and I was nowhere near the top of my game. Let's be honest here, you just can't take the fact that I'm the stand-out Lukas in Fight Union and you want to steal the spotlight. This isn't like everywhere else. This isn't wrestling. This is fighting... And we both know how much better than you I am at it. You want to claim number one contender? Hey, go for it. I'll defend my belt against you every week for three months straight if it'll get you to shut the hole beneath your nose and show me some God damn respect for achieving something.
Nick Lukas: Yeah!
Brett Lukas: Thanks Nick, good addition.
Nick Lukas: That's just how I get down.
Brett Lukas: Nice.
Nick Lukas: Word.
Nick scratches the imaginary record on the imaginary turntable that isn't in front of him as Brett simply shakes his head and turns his attention back to the camera.
Brett Lukas: But Johnny, I think you seem to be forgetting someone else. This is where I would like Shane or Sean - Aidan, you're a jackass - to listen up. When Fight Union closed, I was the Gladiator Champion. We finally reopen. Bigger budget, better staff, higher quality workers, and I am still the Champion. Shouldn't contenderships be transferable as well? While I won't deny that Johnny technically has a point as to why he should face me, I feel like Kaleb Connors could make an argument for it as well. I was ready to face him at Year of the Tiger. The match was signed and good to go. He missed his shot. I feel like, in the spirit of fairness, he should be given something he earned... No matter how long ago he earned it.
Brett places his feet on the coffee table and leans back.
Brett Lukas: All staff members that aren't Aidan, that's what I'm propsing. A Kaleb Connors versus Brett Lukas Championship Match. It'll be glorious. Johnny, I know you want your shot but there's someone out there that deserves it more and isn't a complete jerkoff.
Brett puts his feet on the floor and leans over to his duffle bag. He unzips it partially, fumbles through it for a moment, then comes out with his usual tin cigarette case filled with.... not cigarettes. He pulls one of the hand-rolled-not-cigarettes from the case, presses it to his lips, and sparks it up with a lighter he got from his pocket.
Brett Lukas: And finally, as champion, I have one last thing to say to all of you in attendance out there...
He takes a hit of the joint and exhales the smoke slowly.
Brett Lukas: Sign my petition and chip in a little money at www.infamous.tv/shylamirandabuyout. I've been told that if we get one million signatures and three hundred thousand dollars, the two will make a sex tape and sell it to Vivid.
Brett hits the j once more and shoos the camera away. Cut to something nowhere near as awesome.
Cut to commercial.
Serenity: What a main event we have for you tonight. The Outlaw Rumble. The Outlaw title of course
was held by Johnny Lukas... Back when it was the Roughneck Title.
Don't be confused.
Brick Ramrock: Don’t get all mushy about Johnny, ok?
Serenity: Wasn’t planning on it but thanks for
the tip. The winner of this match will be crowned the New Outlaw Champion!
Nick Lukas: It’s always Johnny-Johnny-Johnny with you.
Kiba Bunson, Harvey, Ryan Mathews, Tyler Malone, and Jacob Marcel are all in the ring at separate corners. They’re fenced in and there are various weapons littering the ring. The weapons vary from kendo sticks to steel chairs to baseball bats.
Serenity: There are a lot of lethal weapons in the ring—this could get bloody.
Brick Ramrock: I sure hope it doesn’t. When I see blood I feel like I might Ralph.
Nick Lukas: I have a bucket ready for you Brick.
Filthy stands in the middle of the ring amongst the Roughnecks and the weapons and he doesn’t look too pleased. He knows damn well that it’s going to be mighty easy for him to get tagged by a out of control swing. He eyeballs each contender before calling for the bell to ring. From there the fighters all go at the ready. Kiba Bunson kneels down and picks up a kendo stick and motions for everyone to bring it on. Suddenly Tyler Malone comes out of his corner and attacks Marcel! Mathews and Harvey collide in the center of the ring and throw wild punches at each other. Bunson looks on at the early melee and looks like he feels a little left out.
Serenity: Aww, I can feel the rejection in the air.
Nick Lukas: Nobody wants to mess with Kiba and his big stick.
Brick Ramrock: Gross!
Nick Lukas: I said Stick.
Marcel, Malone, Mathews, and Harvey are all too busy fighting each other to notice Kiba going on the offensive with his kendo stick! He charges up and nails Marcel right between the eyes and then spins to snap it across Malone’s cheek. Marcel and Malone both hit the mat in intense pain as Kiba measures Mathews! Mathews ducks out of the way just in time so Kiba Bunson’s wild blow with the kendo stick connects with Harvey’s temple. Bunson swings for Mathews again and misses. Mathews jams a boot into Bunson’s midsection and follows it up with a boot to the side of Bunson’s head.
Serenity: Mathews is now the only man standing early on in this match!
Brick Ramrock: I think I see blood…
Nick Lukas: No that’s ketchup. I had some fries earlier.
Mathews picks up a baseball bat but decides against it. He goes to a steel chair and tests its weight while Harvey slowly rises to his feet. Mathews whips the chair up over his head and brings it slamming down flat against Harvey’s face! Harvey stumbles backwards and is tripped by Bunson. Bunson comes up and charges forward to tackle Mathews to the ground, from there Kiba lays in heavy right hands to Mathew’s skull.
Serenity: This is already a mess. Bunson is on top of Mathews and now Marcel and Malone are back to their feet!
Nick Lukas: Malone has a huge egg on his cheek and Marcel, well; I think his nose is broken.
Brick Ramrock: Is that blood?
Nick Lukas: No, I said it’s Ketchup.
Serenity: And Harvey is dead, I’m pretty sure.
Marcel ties up Malone and whips him up and over with a snap suplex right into a trash can. The impact flattens the trash can and doesn’t do Malone’s back any favors. Marcel scoops up Bunson’s kendo stick and lays in a heavy blow to Malone’s ribs. From there Marcel turns his attention to Bunson who is riding out a headlock and repays him with a kendo shot right into the back of his head. Bunson rolls over in agony as Marcel breaks the kendo stick across Mathew’s back!
Nick Lukas: I think we’re going to need some stretchers out here quick. And I get to loot the bodies. Understood?
Brick Ramrock: This is disturbing.
Serenity: And I’m pretty sure Harvey is still dead.
Nick Lukas: Who the fuck is Harvey anyway?
Marcel holds the broken kendo stick up over his head and shouts out to the crowd who reward him with cheers. He tosses the stick to the side and drives a vicious boot into the side of Mathew’s head. Behind him Malone is trying desperately to collect himself so he can attempt to rise up against Marcel’s dominance. Marcel turns his attention to Malone but he’s quickly distracted by Bunson who gets his feet under him. Marcel charges up to Bunson to stop him but he’s interrupted by Malone who scores a chop block on Marcel! Malone comes back up and meets Bunson in the center of the ring for a flurry of fisticuffs.
Nick Lukas: Lots of back and forth action. Harvey’s still dead and I think Mathews might not be able to feel his legs.
Brick Ramrock: I swear to god, if that is blood.
Serenity: He told you it was ketchup so just put a lid on it Brick.
Malone wins the exchange with Bunson and brings him down with a wicked DDT into a steel chair. Bunson twitches on the mat as Malone stands up. Malone’s favoring his back a little bit and it doesn’t help when Marcel powers up and takes out Malone’s knee with a low drop kick. Marcel follows it up by springboarding off of the chainlink behind him and nearly decapitates Malone with a shining wizard. Malone crumbles to the mat and now it’s Mathews who has finally risen back to his feet. Mathews catches Marcel off guard with a reverse neckbreaker which takes some of the fight out of him. Mathews is a bit slow to get up and finds himself face to face with Kiba Bunson. Kiba’s got a bat and tries to swing but Mathews beats him to the punch with a double handed rake to the eyes. Bunson stumbles backwards blind and Mathews follows it up with a lariat which puts Kiba out on the mat. Harvey stands up deliriously and attempts to get back into the fray.
Serenity: I guess Harvey isn’t dead afterall.
Nick Lukas: Hold that thought!
Harvey creeps up on Mathews from behind but he’s caught by Malone from out of nowhere with the Flo Destiny! Harvey’s annihilated by the move and Malone goes for the cover! Filthy falls to the mat and makes the count!
…1…2…3!
Scooter Leibowitz:
Malone stands up and holds his arms up only momentarily before he finds himself face to face with Ryan Mathews. The two smile at each other as Filthy helps Harvey out of the ring to safety.
Nick Lukas: Is it me or does it seem like Harvey should like, never wrestle?
Serenity: It might not be a terrible idea for him to stick to his day job.
Malone and Mathews are about to duke it out but both turn quickly to trade blows with Bunson and Marcel respectively. Marcel takes control of Mathews and yanks him over to the chain link and wrenches his face back and forth across it.
Brick Ramrock: Ohhh cheese grater time!
Nick Lukas: Somebody’s making some Nachos!
Malone and Bunson fight for control of a clinch. Finally Bunson takes control and drives a few good punches into Malone’s face. Malone tries to fight back but the best he can do is drive a stomp right into Bunson’s toes. Bunson’s pained by this and hops around. Malone takes advantage of the pogo stick action and drives Bunson to the mat with a clothesline. Mathews is in big trouble on the other side of the ring when Marcel measures him for a stepping enziguri. Mathews stumbles forward and does a face plant—unfortunately straight into another trash can. Marcel follows up with a standing senton splash across Mathews’ back.
Serenity: Malone is in control of Bunson and Marcel is having his way with Mathews here!
Nick Lukas: That sounds kind of dirty.
Brick Ramrock: That is blood, isn’t it, may I have that bucket?
Marcel measures Mathews as he rises up to a seated position and he fall onto him. Marcel is looking for a Dragon Sleeper and there’s nothing Mathews can do! Meanwhile Kiba Bunson has control of Malone and whips him hard into the turnbuckles. Bunson follows it up with a flying clothesline into the turnbuckles! Malone crumbles to the mat. On the other side of the ring, Marcel slaps his patented Dragon Sleeper onto Mathews and wrenches back, the torque of the hold proves way too much for Mathews and he’s forced to tap out on Marcel’s shoulder!
Serenity: Marcel put Mathews out there with a very uncomfortable looking Dragon Sleeper!
Nick Lukas: Yeah, interesting to see a real one. Usually the biggest danger with those is body odor.
Brick Ramrock: *Vomits*
Scooter Leibowitz: RYAN MATHEWS has been ELIMINATED!
Marcel stands up and holds his arms up victoriously—momentarily soaking in the roar of the crowd when from behind comes Bunson with a roll up! Filthy changes positions quickly and pounds out the count!
…1…2…3!
Nick Lukas: Very sneaky!
Serenity: Marcel couldn’t get his shoulder up in time! He’s furious!
Bunson rolls away as Marcel comes up to argue with Filthy Ramirez. Bunson stands up and chuckles at the scene before turning right around into a spinning head kick from Tyler Malone!
Serenity: Marcel’s out and Bunson just got decapitated! Blood’s flowing now!
Brick Ramrock: *Vomits more*
Nick Lukas: Watch it there Brick, that bucket’s getting full.
Scooter Leibowitz: JACOB MARCEL has been ELIMINATED!
Malone goes for a cover on Bunson but Filthy is distracted by a heated Marcel in his face! Marcel stalks to the exit of the Hexagon and shakes his head, wiping sweat from his brow. Finally Filthy is able to make a three count attempt!
…1…2…Kickout!
Serenity: Bunson gets a shoulder up right in the nick of time.
Nick Lukas: He was robbed there! Bunson was half way to Oz there for a minute.
Malone stands up and conceals his frustration as he measures Bunson with a boot to the back of the head. Malone turns to the corner and goes for a Crown Royal bag in the corner of the Hexagon. Malone opens it and sends thumb tacks all over the mat and smiles at the crowd.
Brick Ramrock: Oh man. My breath tastes so gross now.
Serenity: What’s he got planned for those thumb tacks?!
Brick Ramrock: Oh god. *Vomits some more*
Malone pulls Bunson to his feet and sets him up for what looks like a Powerbomb. Malone catches his breath and goes to power Bunson up but Bunson’s able to block it. Malone tries to muscle him up but Bunson kicks his feet and gets them planted back into the canvas and flips Malone up and over, back first into the thumb tacks!
Serenity: Pin cushion!
Nick Lukas: I once at thumb tacks on a dare. It was neat, like my poop was wearing cleats.
Brick Ramrock: Ha. *Vomits anyway*
Malone is in great pain on the mat—his back now looks like its cast in micro plate male. He stands up and Filthy checks in with him. Malone noticeably wants to continue. Bunson took some thumb tacks in the exchange but motions for Malone to bring it on. Filthy restarts the match and steps out of the way. Bunson and Malone meet in the middle of the ring in a flurry of wildly thrown punches. Bunson scores a big time overhand right which sends Malone staggering backwards. Bunson pulls up a steel folding chair and slams Malone across the back with it. The metal on metal impact of the blow stuns and silences the audience.
Serenity: Ok that was pretty bad.
Brick Ramrock: I agree.
Nick Lukas: Here, I’ll vomit for you. *Takes bucket*
Bunson ties Malone into a standing Guillotine and whips himself over and rocks Malone head first into the thumb tacks! Bunson takes many to his back but doesn’t seem to notice as he throws an arm over Malone’s chest! Filthy hits the canvas and goes for the count!
…1…2…3!!!
Serenity: We’re going to need a mop and some disinfectant.
Brick Ramrock: Sorry, I didn’t get it all into the bucket.
Serenity: No! In the ring!
Nick Lukas: Is that an entire Twinkie Floating in there?
Filthy pulls the bloodied pincushion known as Kiba Bunson to his feet as Shane Clemmens enters the ring with the Outlaw Championship in his hands.
Scooter Leibowitz: Your winner, and NEW Outlaw Champion… Kiba BUNSON!
Serenity: There he is! The first newly crowned champion of Fight Union Version Two!
Nick Lukas: What a match.
Bunson holds his hands up proudly as Clemmens buttons the belt around his waist. Once the title is firmly on the new Champion, Clemmens congratulates Bunson and they shake hands. He pulls Bunson’s arm up and presents the new Outlaw Champion to the crowd.
CLOSING
We open up in the office of Aidan Morag. Aidan is waving the camera crew in as he switches off the television on his desk. The camera crew stops a few feet from the desk of Aidan.
Aidan Morag: Did I fucking say stop, I want a fucking close-up, so close that Johnny Lukas and anyone else out there that questions my authority can get what they fucking deserve.
The camera man pans in closer to the face of Aidan Morag.
Aidan Morag: Much fucking better. Johnny
Lukas, you poor pathetic drunk, you’re lucky I even thought of asking you to
come back here. I don’t care much for you or your pathetic excuse for a family.
You think that because you somehow managed to keep your hands on one of my
titles when we closed last time around, that you get to walk in here this time
and just be champion still. You can boast that damn title you hold in your
fucking hands all you want. Read the name on the title, does it say Outlaw
Champion, No the fuck it doesn’t. You can walk around and lay claim to whatever
you want Johnny Lukas, let me tell you this right now, it will be a cold day in
hell when you hold valid championship gold in a company of mine unless than
demeanor of yours changes real quick. You’ve always had something drunken to say
to or about me Johnny, and that’s fine, most in this business have. Play it out
though, time and time again I come out on top, ending never changes, only the
filler.
With that said, Morag returns to what he was doing the cameras fade.
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